Sunday, January 01, 2006


I had Sue Richards of the Fantastic Four come to my illustrious office and explain her my needs.

"It's rather simple really. It's my anniversary in a few weeks and, Reed, my husband, is constantly making reference to a gift he has locked away for me. Actually, it's getting on my nerves a lot, that smug little bastard thinks he's so much smarter than everyone. Little does he know that the only thing that allows me to tolerate his "holier than thou" attitude is his powers. GOD, if any woman knew what it was like to have a guy who can expand his...."

"RIGHT!" I interjected, "you were talking about a job?"

"Oh yes, so anyway, he keeps this gift in a safe, and I want to take it from him before our
anniversary. Whenever he loses things, he goes ballistic, and it really knocks him down a few pegs that he can't remember things. Keeps me on top, and will probably be more enjoyable than the wacky present. Anyways, his safe is complicated because the keypad is a 44 digit number, that needs to be typed at a certain rhythm. He basically types out a 44 note song. If you saw him type in the code, you are probably the only person who can memorize the number and key at the exact rate that he does."

"Yes, that's true. But how do I know what's in there is yours? "

"Here, this is a list of things I know are in there, so by deduction you can figure out what is mine. I will also reconfigure the security so that you are basically invisible to the system. Just watch out for the Thing, Reed and my brother. And my kids and that annoying flying robot nanny."

"Sure," I said, "but there is one thing". I just had an experience with a shapechanger, so I was wondering if you could prove that you are really the Invisible Woman."

In a second, she disappeared. "Is that proof enough?" a voice said. Well, not really disappeared, there seemed to be some black dash lines around her form. How the hell did all their past foes miss that? Invisible my ass. More like, the Transparent Woman....

"That's good, but how do I know you are the real invisible woman? anyone can have an invisibility device. How about you take off all your cothes and do the invisible thing, since anyone can get an invisible suit these days. I'll get my video camera, so I can play it back in slow motion later, so I can, uh, insure your identiy. Make sure you do a few turns when you go back from invisible to visible."

After being punched in the face with this translucent ball with dashes around it, I came to the conclusion it was really her.

"Now that that's over, here's a schedule of Reeds when he will be out of the building. Get whatever's not on the list and get it back to me. I have to go, I have some bratty children to raise..."


Blogger Cable said...

I've met Dr. Richards on several occasions, and he is a smug bastard indeed.

10:42 AM  
Blogger Captain Berk said...

I heard that too.

Good work on the video scam though. It was definitely worth a try.

7:32 AM  

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