Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Other lines of work....

One of the great things about my abilities is that no matter what I do they will always be incredibly useful. Unlike some folks out there, they can only use their abilities for fighting, or protection of some sort, everything is usually defense or offense oriented. Occasionally, someone will have an ability that can help them travel or cut lines, like Quicksilver or Nightcrawler.

Take for instance Bullseye, "Mr. Infallible aim," I find his ability useful, turning anything into a weapon, but at the same time it is incredibly one dimensional. Outside of the cloak and dagger stuff, what, I can win a game of darts? I can turn off the light switch from my bed with a peanut?

My abilities, even if I didn't do criminal or battle related jobs, I would still be successful. Gourmet cook? no problem. Magician? Tricks are something that whores do for money, but I can do illusions. Athlete? no problem, I can beat anyone at any sport and win any gold medal in the olympics.

Speaking of athletes, one of the side sources I have for my income is making false autographs and selling them on e-bay. For example, at least 20% of the Kobe Bryant signed jerseys out there are done by me. A sports dealer I met asks me to sign a few things for me, I get a healthy cut, he gets the merchandise "authenticated", and I get some tax-free income. All I have to do is watch Kobe or Barry Bonds put their John Hanock on something.

Another mission I did a few years ago was to steal a $2,000,000 violin. To do that I had to go undercover as a concert pianist, and to tell you the truth, it was nice to be in music for a while.

The weirdest mission I ever did was when I had to infiltrate a circus troupe that was hypnotizing the audience and robbing them. However, I was so good at it that the ringmaster figured he could probably make more money if he just overcharged the patrons and actually put on a reasonable show. This led to the creation of Cirque du Soleil.

All in all, I think my line of work allows me to venture into new opportunities, I don't think that with someone with my talents, I could ever be happy doing one career that focused on one thing, and one thing only.

Things didn't turn out...

...as planned. While I hid in FAO for crossbones he didn't show up as I expected with guns and bombs blazing. Turns out he showed up in pajamas (with cute little crossbones all over it) and was looking for a free stuffed mongoose. Surprisingly, he was also wearing his skull mask. And I thought I was the only dude with a skull mask who wore the damn thing all the time.

I used my image shifting device to dress up as a common-clerk and approached CB.

"Hello, sir, may I help you with anything?"

"Uh, stuff mongoose?"

"Sure, come on inside with me...." I said.

When Cross-B entered he started bawling like a little child.

"uh, what's wrong sir?"

"(Sniffle) I just want some toys, pa never gave me any toys...."

At this point I realized something. While I have no respect for GM and their crappy autos, the fulfillment of this task would lead to the destruction of FAO Schwartz. This would result in a lot of bratty, spoiled New York kids, with a high sense of entitlement, to not get what they want. This could snowball into many of them turning into my former pupil C-Bones, or even worse, lawyers and CEO's with insatiable hunger. Yes, I thought, NY needs their toys, even if they are high priced.

I realized my integrity might be higher than I ever thought. I was Taskmaster, but not just any slave who would sell out his own values to fulfill other's tasks. Taskmaster does what he wants! I work for me and no one else, and I sell out to no one unless I want to!

Furthermore, if there was no FAO, that would take out a prime location to buy the excellent MARVEL products located in the basement level of the store. Amazing Marvel products such as the Diamond Select line of Marvel Select, exquisitely crafted semi-articulated figurines giving perfect representations of well-known marvel scenes and characters, such as Elektra, Black widow, Spider-Man, Wolverine!

Let's not forget the perfectly sculpted busts and statues of Bowen Design, bringing to life characters such as Mystique, Hawkeye, Moon Knight, Deadpool, Vision! All ranging from $40 to $130, with a 20% off sale on labor day weekend! Oh the savings!


"So sexy, it hurts!"
With a library of over 5,000 proprietary characters, Marvel Entertainment, Inc. is one of the world's most prominent character-based entertainment companies. MARVEL's operations are focused in four areas: entertainment (Marvel Studios), licensing, publishing and toys (Toy Biz). Marvel facilitates the creation of entertainment projects, including feature films, DVD/home video, video games and television based on its characters and also licenses its characters for use in a wide range of consumer products and services including apparel, toys, collectibles, snack foods and promotions. MARVEL's characters and plot lines are created by its publishing division which continues to expand its leadership position in the U.S. and worldwide while also serving as an invaluable source of intellectual property.

That's right, Taskmaster tm won't sell out to no-one, and that means I will never destroy any building that sells the fine goods from MARVEL.

Poor C-Boshizzle, when I turned around, he was riding on a giant toy horse with one of those long armed monkeys around his neck. "Wheeee!!!!" Poor guy, I let him have his fun, and went back home to call it an early night.

TASK UNFULFILLED

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Iron Fister




So it's been a while since I've posted, mainly for two reason.

1. Blackberry is undergoing their lawsuit, therefore I was convinced by an associate to toss it and get a Gameboy DS intead (which turned out to be a bad move).

2. For some odd reason, Blob has lost a lot of weight, thus becoming useless. However, he has decided to keep his skin. It appears his mutant power is the ability to eliminate erections. Not that he didn't have that before...

So I've had to refix things a bit. I went with my backup plan to look like a superhero and get into a fight with a villian. Because I had already copied his moves, I decided to dress up as Iron Fist, as his costume is so flaming that no one will notice that he and I have distinctly different builds and shoe size.



I decided to trick an old student of mine named Crossbones to destroy the building with explosives. You see, this works out well because Crossbones hates toys. Hates them. Hates them. I think his daddy never gave him presents for Christmas, so he decided to blame the toys. And there is an FAO Shwartz in the GM building, all I need to do is get him angry enough to blow the place up. He was a very disturbed student, but very determined and also very talented with explosives.



I proceeded to plant the seeds of hate in him and called him up, disguising my voice...

"Hello?" said his gruff voice.

"Heeellllooo!!! My name is Rusty and I am calling from New York's faaavvorite toy store FAO SCHWARTZ. Are you interested in getting a freeeeee STUFFED MONGOOSE?"

"WHAT? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" he yelled.

"YES, We are giving away free stuffed mongeese! to all the children in the city at 12 midnight tonight! It is our Christmas in January event! Children under 16 only! Come tonight for a freeee fao schwartz stuffed mongoose!"

"NOOOO!! GO AWAY!!!! HATE YOU!!!!"

"C'mon little boy, you must love toys don't you?? Especially a FREEE Stuffed MONGOOSE!!! HUh? Don't you?? You can bring your popozao down here and get a freee mongoose!!"

"NOOOOO LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! I"LL KILLL YOU AND YOUR TOOYYYZZZZ!!!!"

"Ha, that's funny sir! if you wanted to kill me you would have to come down here at midnight and knock down the whole building!! but that would destroy all the poor stuffed mongeese and no one would get any free toys this Christmas in January!!!""

"I KILL YOU !!! TONIGHT!!! YOU'LL SEE!"

and he hung up.

Again, sometimes this job is too easy.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Whipping out the ol' rolodex...

I looked at past associates who could do the job. Armadillo? just escaped from jail? no. Deadpool? not enough firepower, no. hmm? Blob? yes, that may do it, can cause damage, won't die on me, won't be hurt by the melee fighters on the New Avengers. I might be able to get by paying with Ho-Ho's.

The second fella/or feella, would have to be a blaster type. Avalanche would be pricier, but works well with Blob. However, he can knock down a building no problem, and make it look like he was meant to fight the Avengers. My only worry is that he is not the best fighter and the New Avengers can easily jump over his attacks. I would have to take the risk and watch his back until the job was done.

I dialed them up on my Blackberry and got them signed up for 1/6th each and told them I would contact them later. However, I did not reveal them my identity as I had not yet created one.

Which led me to the next problem, creating a new identity that was believable, but detracted from Taskmaster. I wanted to be inconspicuous, otherwise people would trace me to the crime, I decided I needed to make up a new alias, something that struck fear in the hearts of men, yet also alludes to a skill I posess. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..............

Well, I can fight and I can be pretty stealthy, so let's make myself a ninja, it isn't far from my regular garb. But what kind of Ninja can I be? something dark and scary, Night ninja? no...Black ninja? nooo, Dark ninja? now its sounding stupid....hmmm, Red Ninja..no, hmm....Blood is red, I got it BLOOD NINJA!!!!

That's easy enough, I looked into my costumes and found mostly stuff that was easily recognizable, like Hawkeye's or captain america's suit. I would have to mix and match and make something new... Hmmm, so Hawkeye's boots, a reddish shirt and a dark vest to show that blood thing, and a simple mask cover... But I needed something more, something that would make me more than just a ninja...

I finally found something that I snagged from Merlin a long time ago, maybe I could be a wizard ninja? it was so stupid, it was perfect.

"I put on my robe and wizard hat...."

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Demolition Duty

"Hello, Mr. Taskmaster. You may or may not know about us, but you have certainly helped us out in the past, although indirectly and unintentionally. We at Ace do two jobs. Whenever a building in the city is destroyed, we clean it up and prepare the foundation for it to be rebuilt."

"Now, a while back, we only made money from old buildings being demolished and such. When superheroes and aliens and atlantis and whomever the hell, caused destruction and knocked some of the city down, the city was primarily responsible in helping to rebuild and we worked at a low government contract, which was not very lucrative. After several attacks from aliens, a few Fantastic Four fights and some with the Defenders, the city was getting pretty bankrupt. After the Onslaught thing, where Professor X had a hissy fit, the straw broke the camel's back and the city couldn't afford any more damage. They revoked their policy to rebuild leaving building owners high and dry in the next super-related event."

"The building owners were left with no way to cover their losses, and that led to some smart insurance companies offering an additional type of insurance dealing with super-related events. Of course for a pretty nominal premium. Building owners thus had a lot of money to rebuild if their building was destroyed by a super-related event. That meant that I could charge my regular rate and make a killing. I own a subsidiary company that charges to clean up the mess, which also allows me to sell the leftover rubble to concrete and recycle companies AND I also get paid to set it up for rebuilding. As you may have guessed, I make a lot whenever superheroes knock down a building."

"So you want me to just knock down a building for you? that's not a problem..." I said, after his long diatribe.

"Well, the clause in the contract says it must be super-related, either from another alien species, atlantean, or a superhero vs. villian battle. If you go and blow it up, it is just terrorism, and the payoff isn't as much. "

"I see."

"In otherwords, you have to pick a fight with a team, and have to cause enough collateral damage to destroy a building. Now, a normal person would be concerned by loss of life, but you see, I'm a CEO, I have no soul. I also eat baby hearts as an appetizer while I sip merlot."

"Ah, yes, baby hearts are quite delicious in the winter. " I responded, although I had only eaten baby kidneys before, or that's what I thought was in the hotdog.

"Yes, so pick a fight with any super-heroes, the Avengers, the Fantastic Four, the X-Men, whoever. Just make sure it knocks down the building. For a job well done, I will pay $3 million."

"That sounds fair to me. What building do I have to knock down? " I asked.

"Oh, its an easy building to get to, I'm sure you've heard of it, the GM building. They have a very lovely view of the park. "

I paused for a second. That's a big effing building. And I certainly didn't have the means to knock it down by myself. And despite being a pretty selfish individual, I'm not into the mass killing of innocents. Any one of them could be the next Lindsay Lohan, Bubba Sparxxx or Matt LeBlanc. This would have to be a big, but precise.

"Ok, I'll do it, but you realize this will put me in a compromising position if I get seen destroying the Empire State. I will also have to hire some other mercenaries to do the job."

"No problem Mr. The Taskmaster, all we care about is the results."

I hung up, realizing I had a doozy of a job.

I had to do a few things first. Namely
1. I have to come up with an alter-ego so I don't get pinned for this caper.
2. I need to pull out the ol rolodex and get me some super-powered allies who can cause some heavy destruction.
3. I have to pick a super team to fight, and one that I can beat. Then I have to somehow get them to the location to fight.

It's gonna be a busy week.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Ol' Dirty Baxterd

When Wolverine was under the influence of Hydra, he once easily managed to sneak into the Baxter building, where the Fantastic Four reside. I plan to do the same thing, but unlike Wolverine, I don't plan to go in for a fight. I plan to increase the relationship turmoil between the Invisible Woman and Mr. Fantastic. I'm kinda like Angelina Jolie even to the extent where I sell out my body to do horrible, horrible things.

When entering the building, I went for the airconditioning vent, as I knew the sensors would not notice me. I perched with a good view outside the safe and waited for Richards to show up.

At 4:00 on the dot, Richards, showed up and began typing in his code. My only worry was to not blink, but after his 44 digit code, at the rhythm of what I'm guessings is the opening song to "A Beautiful Mind." Now all I had to do was wait for Richards to do his business and skidaddle. Did I just say skidaddle? dammit.

After Richards left, I checked my radar and found no warm bodies around and snuck my way down to enter the code. Using my amazing photographic memory and reflex skills, I easily cracked the code and let myself in.

The list Sue gave me had some really odd items. Matter-distorter-toothbrush, Kaliedo-Sonic-tampons, Molecule-atom-disrupting electron stimulator etc.

What I didn't expect were Reed's secret fetishes hidden inside this safe. Along with a glut of obese porn and Japanese tentacle hentai, he also had a stash of magazines I had never seen before: Putty Girls. This was a magazine with girls covered with globs of Silly Putty, going all over and IN them, sweet jebus. It was also one of the occasions where it is NOT good to have a photographic memory. Damn, you just made me think about it again.

While not on the list, I assumed these were not what Sue was looking for, and besides, I would need two wheelbarrows to haul out that sleaze.

I finally came upon something not on the list with a red bow around it: Elastic-Matter-Vibrational Collar. It was basically a collar that I guess made the wearer vibrate. Can't figure what Reed and Sue would use it for... Grabbing it quickly, I prepared to head out the way I came. As I entered the hallway, I bumped into Sue, and realized I could collect a quick payday on the spot.

"Hey ya, See-through girl, I got you your present."

"Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my home???!!!" She yelled.

"Uh, a job that you hired me for?" I said, before a white ball with dashes wanged me on my head.
Oh shit, I realized, she's either toying with my heart or she's not the one who hired me. Damn I hate shape-changers! As I felt an invisible ball growing in my throat, preventing me from breathing, I dropped a flashbomb, knowing that Sue can't project what she can't see. The smoke would also help if she planned to go invisible.

Punching that witch in the nose quickly, I made my way out my exit and web slinged my way home.

I e-mailed the fake Sue and told her my mission was complete.

An hour later, after coming to my office, the stupid shapechanging Sue came into my office.

"Ok, Super-Skrull, here's your bill, but I gotta ask you: what are you going to do with a collar that makes your body vibrate."

Not looking too shocked, the skrull resumed his normal form. The Super-skrull is a skrull, a race of aliens that can change their shape, who also has the abilities of the fantastic four.
"Silly human, you think all I do is fight the Fantastic Four? The Skrulls are known to be the best lovers in the universe. We can be whoever you want and change our shape doing it. This collar will only let me further dominate at my reign as the champion of the Annual Skrull Coitus competition. A Skrull's got to defend his title, right?"

"Uh, yeah....TMI."

"What was that?" the Skrull shot back.

"Uh, yes, good for you," I recovered, "Just pay the bill, cash only."

After the Skrull left, my cell phone rang again, just like it always does after I have just completed a mission.

"Hello, Taskmaster, inc. This is the CEO of Ace Construction. We have a special need for your talents, and it may require you to fight the Avengers....."

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Fantaskmaster!

I had Sue Richards of the Fantastic Four come to my illustrious office and explain her my needs.

"It's rather simple really. It's my anniversary in a few weeks and, Reed, my husband, is constantly making reference to a gift he has locked away for me. Actually, it's getting on my nerves a lot, that smug little bastard thinks he's so much smarter than everyone. Little does he know that the only thing that allows me to tolerate his "holier than thou" attitude is his powers. GOD, if any woman knew what it was like to have a guy who can expand his...."

"RIGHT!" I interjected, "you were talking about a job?"

"Oh yes, so anyway, he keeps this gift in a safe, and I want to take it from him before our
anniversary. Whenever he loses things, he goes ballistic, and it really knocks him down a few pegs that he can't remember things. Keeps me on top, and will probably be more enjoyable than the wacky present. Anyways, his safe is complicated because the keypad is a 44 digit number, that needs to be typed at a certain rhythm. He basically types out a 44 note song. If you saw him type in the code, you are probably the only person who can memorize the number and key at the exact rate that he does."

"Yes, that's true. But how do I know what's in there is yours? "

"Here, this is a list of things I know are in there, so by deduction you can figure out what is mine. I will also reconfigure the security so that you are basically invisible to the system. Just watch out for the Thing, Reed and my brother. And my kids and that annoying flying robot nanny."

"Sure," I said, "but there is one thing". I just had an experience with a shapechanger, so I was wondering if you could prove that you are really the Invisible Woman."

In a second, she disappeared. "Is that proof enough?" a voice said. Well, not really disappeared, there seemed to be some black dash lines around her form. How the hell did all their past foes miss that? Invisible my ass. More like, the Transparent Woman....


"That's good, but how do I know you are the real invisible woman? anyone can have an invisibility device. How about you take off all your cothes and do the invisible thing, since anyone can get an invisible suit these days. I'll get my video camera, so I can play it back in slow motion later, so I can, uh, insure your identiy. Make sure you do a few turns when you go back from invisible to visible."

After being punched in the face with this translucent ball with dashes around it, I came to the conclusion it was really her.

"Now that that's over, here's a schedule of Reeds when he will be out of the building. Get whatever's not on the list and get it back to me. I have to go, I have some bratty children to raise..."
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