Monday, December 26, 2005

Marty Grass

Entering into New Orleans, I began to have second thoughts. Killing Agent X would not be too hard, but things didn't seem right. Why would Hayden want to take over the thieves guild? He's not a serious person on any account, afterall, he owned a damn theme park for a while. While a decent mercenary, he's no thief let alone capable of leading a guild. Lastly, he lacks the slimy southern accent necessary to get respect from those cajun thieves.

On the other hand, to my knowledge, there are only two adamantium sets of claws on this planet and the other pair is attached to one of the deadliest people alive.

Which reminds me to leave a mental note: Make sure I'm not wearing the claws when I need to wipe.

Now, the first thing I needed was information. In situations like this there are two ways to get it. You either:
A: Grab a dodgy looking guy in a bar, hope that he is an underling coward with loose lips who will spill his guts after some mild girlish slapping. Possibly get into a bar-fight with everyone present to showcase your badassedness. End with saying, "Tell your boss that TASKMASTER is in town." Don't forget to flex when saying this, because everyone will be looking.

B: Just walk down any street at any time of the day, and eventually you will hear some random people on the street mention the info you need to know. Despite the odds, this will always happen.

C: 1. Go to a strip club.
3. Profit!

I figured, however, that once you become aware that options A and B will always give you the info that you know, they will no longer become fruitful. Therefore, although A and B always work, once you realize that A and B always work and try to go through the motions of A or B, fate will cause the opposite intended result to happen, thus A and B will instead be a waste of time. Damn.

What you just saw there was damn fine logic used to get myself pissed and go to a strip club. So, answer C, I choo-choo-choose you!

(picture omitted)

One of the shortcomings of my power is that I can basically tell if someone is doing something wrong, and that can ruin the show for me. For example, while normal guys don't care so much about the quality of the dance at a strip joint, it does manage to irk me if the girl is particularly bad. What with the hurricane, a lot of the good strippers left to Texas, so what i was left with was someone who couldn't keep a beat, didn't know how to swivel or shake. You can't be turned on by something if you know you could do it alot better. It ruined my fun, and it made me question my sexuality, and I hate that.

So, bored out of my skullmask, I decided to actually do some work. Strip clubs are owned by the thieves guild in New Orleans, so finding underlings shouldn't be a problem. I then realized that I would have to resort to a variation of option A. Crap.

First, I picked out a fellow in the crowd. Someone with long hair and peircings, because real gangsta ass cajuns don't need to show that they are tough. Using Bullseye skills, I flicked a macchiato cherry right into his eye. SPLAT! Next I flicked two peanuts right into his crotch. Oh the irony!!! I wrote a message on a card that said, "Agent X will be dead by morning." and threw it oh so perfectly so it landed an inch into this gentleman's neck. As he pulled the ace out of his neck he read the message and turned white. Looking around for the perpetrator, and finding nothing because I am oh so awesome at this stuff, he got up an left the club. I got up to follow him out. This job is too easy.

For good measure, on my way out, I kicked a random guy in the balls, put my foot on his back and said, "Tell your boss that TASKMASTER is in town." I flexed my guns and immediately left the bar to follow the guy to his boss.


Blogger Deadpool said...

Did you get that thing I sent you? And take that Matrix wanna be's pancreas. Oh yeah be weary of Gambit, he's plays on the other side of the street if you know what I mean. He grabbed Cable's butt one time. Though he doesn't like to admit.

9:20 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Taskmaster! Cool, you can mimick anything you see right? Can you do this?

(Rubs belly and pats head)

11:01 AM  
Blogger Taskmaster said...

But have you seen Cable's butt? It's uncanny! I've even seen Cyclops check it out before. Brrrr....

12:58 PM  

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