Saturday, December 31, 2005

Cashing In

Following the lowly thief, I began to plan the execution of Agent X. Agent X is a regenerator, so killing him with a sniper rifle will not do, even if it is an explosive round. Dismemberment will not work unless it's his head and due to our previous encounter, I don't want risk losing that fight, nor do I want to blow my cover around a bunch of top-class thieves.

The necessary item of procurement was therefore the grenade launcher. Messy, easy and makes a loud sound. Yes, this would be my item of choice.

I followed my little henchmen to his little henchmen hideout, into the backdoor of an insurance agency. He went to the basement and I perched just outside the basement window to wait for more tidbits.

He went to a room with some fellows in there unwrapping some items (I can only guess that they are Christmas presents, despite the tinfoil wrapping). I attached my sound amplifier and listened to what they had to say.

"Someone's in town to make a hit on Agent X I think. I got a note saying he will be dead by morning."

"That doesn't sound right." Said the pudgy fellow. "I was hoping the ten other assassins in town would take him out by tonight."

"Well, if that's the case, he probably shouldn't be in the riverboat casino tonight."

That was all I needed to know and I rushed off to make the kill.

After getting a grenade launcher, I headed over to the casino boat. Why anyone would want to gamble on a boat is beyond me.

Finding a perch on the glass roof and taking out any guards in my way I had a perfect view of Alex at one of the head tables.

However, one thing prevented me from pulling that trigger, and that is that my old girlfriend Sandi, was hanging on his shoulder. RPGs are messy things, and she would indubitably be caught in the blast. Damn.

While we were on a break of some sorts, I rationalized that there were two sets of adamantium claws, but only one Sandi. Stupid sappiness. Sappy Sappy Sappy. Shit.

Knowing there were other assassins in the house, I acted quickly. I shot a grenade into the bar, taking out the bartender acting as an assassin. 1. Crashing through the window, I threw a shuriken into the waiter about to pull a gun out. 2. The dealer was next, he had an explosive stack of chips, and I did a web-swing kick on the way down, snapping his neck. 3. Killed a rich fat lady with a sword thrust. Probably a threat. 4. I shot a bunch of bullets into the crowd, too lazy to find the other 6. 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, enough.

After dropping a smoke bomb, I shot a web to the ceiling, grabbed Alex and Sandi and hauled ass. After retreating to the docks, Alex shouted out:
"What the hell was that for???? I was about to make my poker comeback! I was all in and had all black cards!!!"
"I was saving your butt! There were ten assassins in that casino about to take you out!"
"Well," Sandi interjected, "You missed one."

At that moment, she shapeshifted into Mystique and sliced into Hayden's throat, nearly severing his head.

"Dammit woman! He's my kill, now!"

"Don't even think about it. I need this man alive."

"If I don't kill him, I won't get a set of adamantium claws from Gambit! and they are really, really cool!"

"Those are fakes, I know because I sold them to LeBeau."

"Well, what the hell do I do now????"

"Here's a check for $300,000, it's yours if you piss off." She said.

"Well, okay then!"

Walking off, with my money money money, I couldn't believe that I was fooled into thinking I called off the hit, and finding out that the Sandi was an imposter. The tune of Celine Dion's Titanic song resonated in the air as I thought about Sandi.

That of course was my cell phone.


"Dammit, you really can't think of anything original, can you?" A woman's voice said at the other end.

"Uh..who is this?"

"This is Sue Richards, the Invisible Woman. I have an easy task for you. Let's meet up."


Blogger Son Goku said...

The Task master huh? didn;t used to wear a cape and a skull mask?

4:41 PM  
Blogger Taskmaster said...

I still wear a skull mask, but people kept on confusing me for Skeletor, even though I came first. I've adapted my outfit so it is better for missions, as opposed to my old career where I had to be a scary intimidating teacher.

1:00 PM  
Blogger Captain Berk said...

The fat lady deserved it for her inexcusable obesity.

Did i say that out loud?

7:35 AM  

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